Another Bad Day

I just been up and down on a roller coaster today. My mind wont stop thinking. He has had me so convinced that everything is my fault. I feel if I would of kept quiet and not asked questions and not get upset that he wasnt calling and talking to me that everything would be ok and we would still be together. I know he was very abusive but im so scared of being alone. We did have fun times and he did help me but there is more negatives then pros. My heart feels like it was ripped out. I know you all have said I havent done nothing wrong and that is him but its hard.Im trying to believe what you guys have been saying about not listening to him.  I still have to get my stuff out. He acts so happy im leaving. He is so cold to me. I have done so much for him and my mom has too. I dont know what more I could of done. I would buy him things and go without. I feel very used. Now he making money he dont need me. 7 of my years wasted.  I want to thank you all for the comments it means alot to me.

Having A Hard Time

Hi. I thought it might help me to blog how Im feeling. I been having a rough time and been doing alot of crying. Im in the begining stage of breaking up with my boyfriend. I havent gotten alot of my stuff out. Im hurting so bad cause I cared about him but he just didnt care about me. All he ever did was scream at me and alot of abuse. We been together for 7 years. I am so scared what going to happen to my life. I dotn want to be alone but Im sick of the abuse. Its always my fault. I cant talk or ask questions.  I have major depression and ocd and Fibromyalgia and Diabetes. He always said he understood it but he didnt. There were good things about him too. We had alot in common and he would carry my groceries but he has always put me down. He makes me feel like Im a bad person. This was my 1st boyfriend. I have never had to go through a break up before. Im terrified. Am I doing the right thing? He lies to me all the time and I always come last. I feel Im not worth a thing.. Im going to go for now.